Rule No. 4 – When in Doubt Try Speed-dating Out

I was gutted but not altogether surprised, when I didn’t hear from Will. I decided to keep busy, move on and learn from my mistakes. Luckily I was really busy at work, which kept me occupied and kept my mind off the fact that being single wasn’t as much fun as I’d thought.

That Saturday morning I lay in bed and thought about what I could do to find a man. Maybe I could try speed dating. I dialled the number of my best mate Millie.

“Hiya Mills. It’s Charlie”.

“Oh Hi Charlie. How’s it going?”

I told her my woes and how things had gone pear shaped with Will.

“So I was wondering.” I said persuasively, as I toyed with the cord of the phone, “if you fancy going speed dating tonight?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

“Oh, I don’t know Charlie. It’s not really my kind of thing.”

“Oh please Mills, do it for me.” I batted my eyelashes. I know technically Millie couldn’t actually see what I was doing but I thought it was worth a try. “Just support me; you don’t actually have to find yourself a man, just pretend.”

After another five minutes or so of persuasion and emotional blackmail I managed to persuade Millie to come with me, although I think it was against her better judgement.

We met at Waterloo station and headed to MacDonald’s to line our stomachs with McChicken Premieres and strawberry milkshakes. As Millie put it,

“God knows we’ll need a drink.”

The speed dating website said we should arrive at 7 for a 730 start and stressed that it was important to get there in plenty of time to register and fill in all the necessary forms. By the time we got to the venue, in Covent Garden, it was 7.15 and I was panicking that we were going to be late.

Millie was dragging her feet and texting Peter. Peter was a guy she’d been seeing on and off for about four years. He basically only contacted Mills every few weeks when he wanted shag, which really pissed me off. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for fuck buddies but I knew that Millie really liked him and he hurt her over and over again.

“Come on Mills”, I said impatiently.

The speed-dating event was held in a bar in Poland Street, just off Oxford Street. I didn’t think I’d be nervous but as we walked in my heart was pounding in my chest. We walked up to the registration desk and Millie gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

We gave our details to the guys on the registration desk and then went to the bar to get a drink. Dutch courage was very much a necessity.

I looked around the room nervously. There seemed to be quite a few guys alone. I have to say the calibre of the men wasn’t that great. The age range was supposed to be 23-32 but one guy in particular looked as thought he was approaching 50. On the other hand, the girls all looked gorgeous. They all looked like they’d spent a lot of time and effort on their hair and make-up. They were all really slim as well and suddenly I felt a bit insecure.

Millie saw me looking at them. She must have read my thoughts.

“Charlie,” she said firmly, with an uncharacteristic burst of confidence.. “We are both gorgeous and sexy and we can hold our own. Anyway look at those girls, they might be pretty but they look bloody miserable and hard-faced. Plus I bet they don’t have our wit and charm”.

Mind you Millie is absolutely gorgeous. She’s tall, slim and tanned with gorgeous long legs. She’s got amazing long brown hair with blonde highlights. It’s naturally straight, she doesn’t have to straighten it. People often say she looks like Jennifer Anniston. I would be really jealous if I didn’t love her so much. She hasn’t got any tits though. I might be a bit overweight but at least I’ve got amazing tits. A couple of people have said that I look like Sophie Dahl but I don’t know what she looks like, so I don’t know. Apparently she’s a fat super model, so I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not.

I grinned. I knew she was right. I immediately felt better. Just then one of the organisers announced that we were about to start and asked us to take our seats. All the girls were given numbers and we had to sit at tables with corresponding numbers. The guys would come round and we would have three minutes in which to get to know one another. The organisers would ring a bell when the three minutes were up. We had little cards that we had to fill out in between dates. We had to tick yes, no or maybe and there was a space for us to write comments.

The first guy that came to my table was called Mark. He was ok looking and he had a great smile. To my delight he told me he was a buyer for a chain of pubs. This was fantastic, I thought. I could bag a man and do business at the same time. I told him about my job and I told him that I could do him a deal on his frozen food. Mark seemed to be quite impressed and I thought we got on really well. Apart from that most of the guys were ok but not amazing. It was quite difficult filling in the card between dates. I didn’t really have enough time. It was also a challenge to fill out the card without any of the guys seeing what I was doing and then I was trying to keep it hidden. I was also trying to sneak a look at their cards without them noticing.

I met the old guy and he was quite eccentric. He was definitely not my type. There was a guy from Croatia, with bad skin and big, bushy eyebrows. He was very keen and just a little bit desperate. There was also a tall, skinny guy with glasses. He wore a pale blue shirt tucked into black trousers that were too short. He looked a bit of a geek and as it turns out he was a computer programmer. He was very intense. He told me that his name was Mike and that in his spare time he was addicted to computer games.

When we stopped for a break Millie went to get the drinks in and I went to the loo as I was bursting. I have a very weak bladder and it appeared that most of the other girls had the same problem. As I stood at the back of a fairly long queue, I shifted from foot to foot. The movement seems to help when my bladder’s playing up. I don’t know why. I was shocked by the conversations I heard going on around me. One girl in particular sounded like she’d gone to public school and was braying to her friend.

“Well I think it’s shocking. The quality of the men is appalling. I just sit there and look the other way. I refuse to speak to them. I’ve only spoken to one man so far.”

I felt indignant on the guys’ behalf. I know the guys weren’t great but there was no need for that! What a stuck-up bitch!

When I got back to the bar Millie had got us both a glass of wine. Sauvignon Blanc for her and Chardonnay for me. Millie loved a crisp Sauvignon Blanc, whereas I preferred a creamy Chardonnay. She was being hounded by the guy from Croatia and she looked slightly bewildered. I claimed my drink and she looked very relieved to see me. As we were chatting I spotted a guy that oozed sex appeal. He was quite good-looking but it wasn’t that that made him so sexy. It was his broad cheeky grin and that fact that he radiated confidence. He was with a mate and he was stood chatting to a couple of girls. I sensed that the girls thought he was a bit cocky but I was intrigued.

He must have sensed me looking at him. He looked up and caught my eye and winked before turning back to the girls.

“Did you see that?” I said to Millie excitedly.

She didn’t look too impressed.

“Yes Charlie, and he looks like a right cocky wanker.”

When we sat down again, the guy in question was the first guy to sit at my table. I had to admit that he was a bit full of himself but I just couldn’t help fancying him. He was really sexy. I found out that his name was Matt and that he was a traffic cop. I really like him. He really made me laugh with his Jack-The-Lad Manner.

I didn’t really concentrate on any of the other guys. I was keeping my eye on Matt as he made his way around the room. A lot of the girls didn’t seem to be particularly enamoured with him.

When the speed-dating bit was over I persuaded Mills to stay for another drink in the hope that I would be able to talk to Matt. Within moments I had geeky Mike at my side and Mills was being hounded by the Croatian guy again.

I was attempting to feign interest in geeky mike and at the same time watch Matt out of the corner of my eye. I could see he was chatting to the same girls he had been with earlier. The girls were all slim and tanned and immaculately dressed. I was gutted. How could I compete with that, I thought miserably.

I caught Millie’s eye.

“Shall we go?” I asked.

“God, I thought you’d never ask.”

As we collected our coats I sensed someone walk up behind us. It was Matt.

“Hey I can’t believe you’re leaving without giving me your number.” He grinned. I was elated.

He tapped my number into his phone. He said goodbye and kissed me on the cheek. I left the bar feeling fantastic.

Millie and I walked to the tube station and within minutes I had a text from Matt. I was really chuffed. He must really like me. He was really keen.

Hi Charlie. It was fantastic to meet you tonight. This is my number. Matt x
From: +447213625701
22:19 28-OCT-06