Rule no. 1: Never Sleep with a Guy on the First date (and especially not before)

I was really excited. My friend Ed had invited me out for his birthday and his sexy single mate Will was going along. I had fancied Will for a while. He was really sexy. I hoped that he might he fancy me too.

We were going out for a meal and then clubbing and then all staying over at Ed’s. Most of other my mates couldn’t make it, so it was mainly people that I didn’t know. I only really knew Ed, his girlfriend Anna and Will. I was very excited and nervous, all at the same time. It was my first night out as a single girl.

I was looking pretty good, even if I do say so myself. I was slightly overweight; about half a stone, but I still think I was pretty sexy, and I’ve always had a great pair of tits.

I wore my black, wide-legged trousers and a low cut, dark pink top with a little pair of sandals. The sandals had tiny heels. I loved high heels but unfortunately I couldn’t wear them as they kill my feet. I would take comfort over fashion every time.

I arrived at Ed’s with my obligatory bottle of plonk, Wolf Blass Yellow Label Chardonnay, which was one of my favourites. He introduced me to a couple of his friends that were already there and I sat at the table with a glass of wine making polite chitchat and trying not to devour the nibbles. I was starving, as always, and Pringles are one of my favourites. It’s a good job they didn’t have those little peanut things in the crispy coating. I might not have been able to control myself and I didn’t want people to think I was greedy.

When Will arrived up I suddenly felt slightly awkward. I got up to say Hello and kissed him on the cheek self-consciously.

“Hi, How are you?”

He joined the conversation and I was bemused to notice that the others, who incidentally were all couples, were talking about gardening and house prices. Most of Ed and Anna’s friends were couples. “DINKY’s” – Double Income No Kids.

I wondered if Will was as bored as I was. I snuck a look at him out of the corner of my eye. He really was incredibly good looking, although I didn’t remember him having such big ears. I wondered if big ears meant the same as big feet. I smiled to myself.

He was quite tall with blonde hair and blue eyes. Not my usual type; I usually go for guys with dark eyes and dark hair. Will was really gorgeous though and he had a really fit body.

I suddenly realised that Sadie, one of Anna’s girlfriends had asked me a question and I had no idea what she had said. I bit my lip nervously and felt myself going red. Luckily I was saved by Ed coming in and announcing that it was time to make our way to the restaurant.
The meal was fantastic and the waiters kept the wine flowing. I sat next to Will and we made general chit chat. A couple of times his hand brushed mine and I felt a jolt of electricity fizz through me.

“So, did you hear I split up with Cameron?”

“Shit,” said Will. “Sorry to hear that. Are you ok?”

“Well, I’ve been in a serious relationship with Cam since I was 22 and I think I need some me time. I need to be independent. I want my freedom. I’m too young to settle down.”

I surprised at myself coming out with such pearls of wisdom. I ignored the thought at the back of my mind that actually I was desperate to get into a relationship. Anyway, Will seemed to lap it up.

We moved on to a club afterwards and I was tingling with anticipation. I was looking forward to a dance and maybe a kiss with Will.

It was a long time since I’d been single but I thought the best strategy was to hang around Will, flirt a bit and then move on. You know, play hard to get. I didn’t have to wait long before he grabbed me and kissed me. I was on a high.

He pulled me onto the dance floor and we started dancing. Very sexily, I might add. I was nearly swooning. Not only was he extremely good-looking (apart from the big ears), and extremely sexy, he was also a pretty good mover. I loved a man that could dance. My two main criteria for my ideal man were a man that could dance and a man that could make me laugh.

“Come on,” said Will, after kissing me for what seemed like the thousandth time, “Let me buy you another drink”.

We stood at the bar chatting. “You know,” said Will, “You might not be single for very long. How would you feel about that?” He leaned into me drunkenly and gave me another kiss.

Bloody hell. He was coming on a bit strong. He is yummy though, I thought.

As we walked back to Ed’s Will took his denim jacket off and put it around my shoulders. What a gentleman, I thought.

When we got back to Ed’s, we just sat around drinking, smoking and playing CDs. Will and I soon made our excuses and slipped off to the spare room.

We had the most amazing sex. I thought it would be weird sleeping with someone else after Cam, but I have to say it was fantastic. It was very liberating. Let’s just say that Will was very well endowed and very good with his tongue.

We were just about to go for round two, when Sadie and her husband Josh interrupted us, coming into sleep on a mattress on the floor. I don’t think they were very impressed that Will and I had commandeered the bed.

“Come on,” whispered Will, “Let’s go into the bathroom”

We crept into the bathroom, stifling our giggles. Unfortunately the bathroom was too small and I was too drunk and too tired.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” I asked Will

“Nothing, why?”

“How about I come over to yours and we’ll spend the day in bed?” I suggested.

“Sounds like a great idea”

***

I woke up about six am and I really badly needed to do a poo. I crept past the kitchen where Ed was washing up the glasses from the night before.
“Morning Charlie, good night was it?” he said with a smirk and raised eyebrows.

“Er, yes thanks,” I muttered, blushing and scuttled off to the bathroom.

I was a bit concerned about my poo making a noise as the flat was very small and I didn’t want everyone hearing what I was doing, especially not Will. I tore off a big handful of toilet paper and stuffed it down the loo. That ought to hide any noises coming from my bottom or from my poo landing in the water.

I did a massive poo. It was very satisfying. I peered down into the toilet bowl where a massive log was perched on top of the toilet roll.

“Very impressive,” I thought, as I flushed the chain. To my horror, instead of going down the toilet, the poo, toilet roll and water were all rising up the bowl. I could feel the colour drain from my face as the water got higher. Please don’t overflow, I begged silently. Luckily, they stopped just in time. Bugger, what am I going to do? I thought. What a nightmare.

I went back out to Ed, rather shame faced.

“Umm Ed, there seems to be a slight problem. I think I’ve blocked your toilet up.”

We went into the bathroom.

“Jeez Charlie. What are you like?”

“Sorry,” I mumbled, staring at the floor.

“Hang on, I’ll get you some rubber gloves”

I stared at him horrified.

“Only Joking,” Ed laughed.

“Look, don’t worry I’ll sort it out with a bucket of water. You look knackered. You go back to bed,” he said kindly.

I went back to bed and snuggled up with Will. He sleepily reached out and pulled me toward him.

When I woke up Will had a stonking hard on, otherwise known as Morning Glory, but we couldn’t do anything about it as Sadie and Josh were still snoozing on the floor.

“Did you mean what you said last night?” said Will

Shit, what on earth had I said? Surely I hadn’t said anything stupid, like “I love you”.

“Er, what did I say?” I asked nervously.

“You said you’d spend the day in bed with me.”

“Oh yeah cool,” I said relieved.

I followed him back to his place. I was disappointed that he only had an old white Corsa. A bit of a girl’s car and not a particularly good one at that.

Will’s flat was a typical bachelors pad. It needed a bit of a women’s touch. His bedroom had navy blue walls and there were tartan sheets on the bed. I was impressed that it was quite clean though but then I found out that his Mum came once a week to clean it. God, what was it with men and their mothers? Cam was a complete mummy’s boy. He was still tied to his Mum’s apron strings. It was one of the things that had driven me crazy.

We spent the day having the most amazing sex and sleeping in between. I felt pretty good and very relaxed.

I lay in bed, not quite asleep, fantasizing about Will and I. In theory I needed time to be single and play the field, be the girl about town, but on the other hand, Will was lovely, sexy and amazing in bed. He might be the one. I pictured Will in a morning suit at the front of a church as I walked up the aisle in a classic off-white wedding dress. Mrs Roberts had a certain ring to it.

I was roused from my day dreaming by Will suggesting that we go for something to eat.

“Yeah, I suppose we have worked up a bit of an appetite”, I said grinning.

We went to the pub and had something to eat. I made the mistake of ordering the combo, complete with very messy spare ribs and I ended up with sticky red goo all over my face and fingers. So that was slightly embarrassing.

“So can I have your phone number?” asked Will.

Yeeesssss! I was really pleased. I gave him my number and deliberately didn’t take his. I knew what I was like, I knew if I had his number I would be continually texting and calling him and generally behaving like the bunny boiler from hell.

On Sunday I woke up feeling all warm and yummy. “Charlie and Will sitting in a tree. K –I-S-S-I-N-G” was playing in my head.

I phoned a few of my friends to analyse the previous days events. I was feeling pretty chirpy until I phoned my friend Sarah Jane. Sarah worked in the city as a lawyer. I always find a bit scary that someone my age has a grown up job like a lawyer. God, it’s almost as scary as being married or having kids.

“Hello Sarah Jane Malyon speaking”, she answered the phone in her plummy public school girl accent.

“Hi Sarah, it’s me. Charlie.”

“Charlotte. How wonderful to hear from you. How are you getting on without Cameron? Such a shame. He was such a nice man and so good looking”

“Yes. I’m fine thanks. I met someone yesterday. Well on Friday actually, but we spent the day together yesterday”.

“Oh Charlotte. You spent all day with him! Don’t you know you mustn’t make yourself too available? Oh God, you didn’t sleep with him did you?”

I was silent on the other end of the line. Shit, Sarah was right. I had made myself too available and I had made the classic mistake of sleeping with a guy too early. I hadn’t even waited until the first date.

“Charlotte Summers. What am I going to do with you? “

“So, do you think he’ll call?” I asked miserably.

“Well, he does sound pretty keen,” Sarah admitted “But if doesn’t call you by Wednesday ditch him. You can’t let these men walk all over you.”